Being Present

In two weeks from Monday I will be leaving Steubenville and most likely never coming back. If you would have asked earlier this week I would have said that I was ready to be home and doing things for myself. But this week has been so eye opening for me. It has always been difficult for me to "be present" and not think about the future...what will happen at the end of the day, or end of the week, or end of the summer. Thanks to a couple of messages from people and some God moments I've realized this week that I can't just look past my final two weeks here. I can't worry about starting to transition back to my "normal" life because that life won't be the same as it was when I left. I'm not the same as when I left.
The past two days I have been being present and what an amazing feeling that is. To just enjoy every minute for what its worth. This summer will never happen again...even if I choose to work for YouthWorks next summer the memories will not be the same. That's just life as harsh as it sometimes sounds. Even though I wake up so tired in the morning and don't always want to start the day, I'm going to be present these final two weeks and not let great moments pass me by.

We run a kids club in the afternoon and I usually like to help out. I always have known that I've wanted to work with kids, and this summer has solidified that even more. Being around these children is the highlight of my day. Somehow they always are able to lift my spirits. They teach me so much. On Monday I helped drive the kids home and a lot of the attitude in the communities really came out. One of the younger ones, a five year old, said that she hated white people and that she wanted all the white people to leave. I asked it she hated me and she said that I was mixed so that I was ok. She clearly has no understanding of race, but has picked up these attitudes from people around her. As she grows up, these stereotypes will probably get even stronger and the racism will persist. It seems so cruel for us to be leaving these children and being so uncertain of what their future holds. But we've planted the seed in them for what it means to love others. 1 Corinthians 3: 6-7 "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." I hope that we've planted a seed in these children, and i pray to God that he will watch over them.

Its hard to grasp the idea that the majority of the connections and relationships I've made this summer will be no longer when I leave. My life has been pretty consistent, so I'm having a hard time with the idea of leaving people and most likely never seeing them again. My friend Holly said a great thing the other night and reminded us to not start to detach ourselves from people so that it is easier to leave. By doing that we lose out on so much. Leaving will be hard and it will hurt, but that hurt will be so worth it.

I am amazed by how my faith has grown this summer. So many prayers have been answered and God has put situations in my path to help me grown. I have been blessed to work with amazing people who have challenged me, made me laugh, and supported me.